• kid: dad whats a 69
  • dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

contraception:

a support group for people who started saying YAAAAAAS ironically and now can’t stop

gnawruto:

foodtrucker:

I manage to turn everything into crap wow

yes that’s called digestion

koalatea:

true life: people like my hair more than they like me

smokingjointswithmileycyrus:

before listening to beyoncé

image

after listening to beyoncé

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dw:

when someone gives you directions but you go the wrong way

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teenscoolest:

we live in the era of smart phones and stupid people

foodchewer:

if ur looking for me i’ll be in the trash

succulentthighs:

Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends 

fagtree:

so other than that, mrs. lincoln, how was the play

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